Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Less talking, more tequila
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
