I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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