I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
