Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
