What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
