meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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