tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
