Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
