I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
