they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
