Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My vagina is officially offended.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
