i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
