smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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