I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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