hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
