i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
