i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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