I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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