you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
