I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
