bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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