the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
