i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
time to smoke my breakfast
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
