haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
