I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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