how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
