i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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