I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
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