When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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