Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
