It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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