Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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