So drunk its hurt
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
