My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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