I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
