So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
