I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
