Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
