Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
