I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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