so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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