yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
