if i died would you start the facebook group?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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