Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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