apparently the secret to your success is patron
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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