Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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