I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
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