She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
