FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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