I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
