Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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