Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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