we have officially lost it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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