Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
