i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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