If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
