Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
