why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
