they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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