she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
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Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
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I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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