call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
