he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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