Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
