Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
