The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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