thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
