"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Can I color on your dick again?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
